blowing out my birthday candles..
i am the big 1-7 now. got the senior license. now that i'm an "adult" i'm freaking out. so i need to vent to a bunch of people i dont know.
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Saturday, December 13, 2003
vincents is a dance we have throughout westchester county. its a good time.
i had a drunken conversation with meghan at the after party. dan, my date, was talking to her earlier that night asking if i liked him bc he didnt want things to get weird with us. he has a gf and i dont think of him like that so meghan was telling me all about this and what he was saying to her.
so he called me today and we were talking about last ngiht and i was telling him everything that happened after he went home and everything. idk i dont want him to think that i like him but i guess i came off as really flirty at the dance. i thought we were just having some fun its not like i was sticking my tongue down his throat for hte love of god. i just dont want him to stop talking to me bc hes afraid that i'll get "hurt" or anything. because hes the sweatest kid like ever and i dont want to not be friends with him
whatever poor pitiful me. dan (a different dan, my brother) is so broken hearted bc his girlfriend broke up with him. hes so upset and i dont know what to say to him when he tells me about what is going on between them. about how she calls him and tells him that she loves him and misses him but then goes and tells him that she broke up with him bc she didnt want to lead him on? and that she still wants to see him for christmas and be friends with him and he keeps telling me that he doesnt know hwo to be friends with her, that he was never friends with her to begin with so he doesnt know how to just start being friends from what they used to have.
i just feel so sad for him and he will still defend her to the ground bc he loves her so much. shes such a stupid bitch.
but rob was being really gay saying stuff to my mom while i was in the room about how all girls play games and i know he was saying it just to make sure i heard him and shit. he was like all girls play games and dont know what they want. hes such an ass hole. and his away messages have been really queer lately too. UGHHH ARGGG!!! boys are so annoying.
Posted at Saturday, December 13, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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Tuesday, December 09, 2003
i feel like i've had that title before...
so i'm not going to 'red' just like that that quick the idea gets ripped out. i guess its my fault for getting my hopes up. it would be too expensive to go to an out of district public school. but i guess it was just nice to think that i'd be about to get out of the hell that i'm in now
i had to wait for my mom to read before i could post because i knew i'd start to cry.
i dont know why i'm so upset. i knew this wasnt going to happen. 13,000 dollars is way to much i couldnt ask my parents to do that
maybe we could find somewhere else for me to go. i really hate it at my school. the people, the teachers, the school itself. i'm so sick of that building. just being inside of it makes me depressed. today was such a bad day and i feel bad for whoever i encountered today because i was such a grouch. but what can you do. i'm not going to apologize for the stupid crap going on in my life.
arite peace out
Posted at Tuesday, December 09, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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Monday, December 08, 2003
i think god woke up one day and was just like yea 'if all my people were happy life would be really boring'
because for no reason i'm so depressed.
well okay there are a couple reasons but honestly i just wish things could go right for once..
i got my mom pretty convinced at sending my to "red" (confused, read the entry below) but shes going to call, she told me not to get my hopes up bc if the tuition to go to an out of district public school is more than the tuition they are paying now to go to the school i'm going to now, then they're not going to send me. so i ahve my fingers crossed.
i'm also upset because so much is going on with katherine and the whole group thing.
i've been talking to her a lot lately and i know exactly how shes feeling so i've been trying to fix things between her and cathleen and lauren and jena and meghan but they're making it really difficult.
they kept talking about her last night and i kept sticking up for her w/o taking sides but its getting really difficult not to do that with all the smack they are talking. they're not listening to anything i'm saying. and lauren especially. i'm surprised at her. she keeps saying katherine has changed. they all need to take a step back and realize life is moving around them and EVERYONE changes in high school, thats what life is all about, change.
and lauren kept saying that katherine needs to get over it. maybe she needs to move on as well...
idk i'm just getting a real good look at everyones real personalities now.
they're all calling now
peace
Posted at Monday, December 08, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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i went to school with cait today, not gunna name the school for the sake of saving my own ass in case someone from that school reads this. but anyway i really want to go there but if i went to public school taht wouldnt be the one, its three houses out of my school district which is crapp. my street is even named after the stupid elementary school int he district.
but i'm going to talk to my mom about it some more. i've been bringing it up a lot lately and i think shes been seriously thinking about it. i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go to that school. lets call it red. thats one of its school colors and whatever. i want to go there really badly and i just want to go to public school with normal people, and boys. is that so much to ask for??
okay i have a lot of hw to do so i have to go and do it tomorrow.
Posted at Monday, December 08, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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Saturday, December 06, 2003
another stuffy nose. another cold. i'm always getting a damn cold.
my nose hurts a lot to breathe through it.
i havent left my house all day...was going to go sledding with jen, my mom wont let anyone drive on the roads...then meghan called and wanted me to sleep over and laurens mom was carpooling around town...but i have to go to church tomorrow says my mom because i havent gone since may. i guess i'm do for a little God.
whatevv
going to go find something to do
like make my nose stop stinging
Posted at Saturday, December 06, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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its snowing so prettilyyyy!!
we're getting lots...and i'm stuck inside cleaning for satan. tears
its okay, i still have two days off of schoool to enjoy it...write more later got to get back to cleaning
Posted at Saturday, December 06, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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Wednesday, December 03, 2003
i wish i could see my blog
my blogs still wont update correctly i dont think. i'm not quite sure yet.
today was such a sucky day, and its still not over
i have to write and essay for global and i have a global test tomorrow
i'm doing so badly in school, second quarter sucks because its the shortest quarter, theres not enough time for me to pull up my grades, if i fuck up on one test i'm pretty much screwed for the quarter. gayness....
well i'm reawlly tired and i need to go write my essay and then off to bedd
arite i'm off....
Posted at Wednesday, December 03, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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Sunday, November 30, 2003
yayyy!! it works again. everything finally updated woohooo!!
OAR last night was amazing...omg it was so good i cant even handle it.
katherine was being all touchy feely with these gross men that were JUST too old for her. i think she smoked a big ole blunt with liz before she came.
other than that it was a good time, we drank a wee bit before the concert and got buzzed. didnt drink afterwards i was way too tired. i like passed out at jenas.
okay i started my diet today and i've actually been doing pretty good.
not much to say other than that, plus my mom is still in the room so noo good juice to be written
"home to me is reality, thats why i go home" OAR 'i go home'
Posted at Sunday, November 30, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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Saturday, November 29, 2003
i really hate this computer. i dont even know if this entry is going to save. nothing is working.
i've tried to edit my other entries and the side of my page and nothing is changing. when i click on eit page its all there but when i goto view my page to see how it looks it hasnt changed at all..
maybe its my computer, if your reading this right now post on my tagboard what color the font is or just teh fact that u can actually read this, thatd be cool too. thanks so much. mayb if my computer updates one day i'll get to read it.
OAR TONIGHT! i'm so excited. jackies on her way to my house now we're gunna get ready together, then around 5 every1 is meeting here and we're gonne gert on the train then off to OAR. i'm so damn excited
okay i'm going to go now. nothing interesting to rant about.
bye
Posted at Saturday, November 29, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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Thursday, November 27, 2003
a full stomach will always put an empty heart out of mind, but for how long?
i've been really depressed lately, and being depressed makes me mad at myself. i dont usually get upet when i hang around my friends and their boyfriend or girlfriend, but last night it really got to me. i have no one to share the holiday with, exchange fun/cute gifts with. no one to cry to.
i really hate that i am relying my happiness on having needing a guy. i dont think i need a guy to be happy, but i dont even like anyone. i've never been in love, and to be around all of these people who are sharing this amazing thing with someone else is really hard, makes my heart hurt.
to have to go through the holidays without someone to swap gifts with, call up about my problems or happiness, idk i realize i'm not that old to be crying over the fact that i havent found "the one" yet. but i'm not looking for the person to spend the rest of my life with, i'm looking for someone to share what i've got, and get some affection in return.
i never thought of myself as someone who needed or even wanted a relationship like a "boyfriend"
idk i never liked that title, but i guess lately i've kind of wanted one. lauren says i'm too picky. that i would be able to find someone to share my feelings with if i would shorten my list.
is this so hard?::
- cute, doesnt have to be hot, but there needs to be a physical attraction
- funny, they have to make me laugh, soooo important
- doesnt care what people think, not afraid to be loud or immature, but know when to be serious
- someone that i can hook up with but wont pressure me to do anything i dont want to do.
- they dont need to be harvard genius' but those guys that dont give a shit when they fail, doesnt fly for me
cmon 5 things. its really not that much to ask is it?
and hands are really important too...
idk what else to say. gunna go enjoy the company of the fam...okay not really. gunna go listen to the rest of the alkaline trio cd
Posted at Thursday, November 27, 2003 by Littlemidge3
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